


Understanding

by glassofgin92



Category: Saw (Movies)
Genre: Adam Faulkner-Stanheight Lives, First Kiss, Forehead Kisses, Forehead Touching, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, M/M, One Shot, Post-Bathroom Trap (Saw), chainshipping - Freeform, lawrenceweek, my tribute, tuesday sexaltity and success
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:40:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29495961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glassofgin92/pseuds/glassofgin92
Summary: a little fic about lawrence and adammy tribute to the lawrence-week by @adamisalivetuesday: sexuality & success  aka my thoughts about lawrence's view on his realtionships / realtionships in general(just wrote this during this day, with an idea i had last night; i'm actually german, so i hope there are not many mistakes ;) )
Relationships: Adam Faulkner-Stanheight & Lawrence Gordon, Adam Faulkner-Stanheight/Lawrence Gordon
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	Understanding

They were walking down a path that led to the little park nearby.  
The first time that Lawrence and Adam had met - after these horrifying events in that bathroom - was in a little diner, where they were talking for hours.  
The second time they decided to go into a bar and settle in for a drink. This time, the bartender had to throw them out in the early hours of the new morning. They had not been drunk. Only too deep into their conversation with each other.  
Lawrence could not explain how that happended. How Adam and him came along with each other so well. Why, so it seemed, they needed each other so much right now.  
At first he didn't understand. But after some time, a few days before they had agreed on meeting again on today's date, he finally understood.

For their third and today's get-together they chose to just go for a little walk.  
It was february and the air was cold, though the sun was shining and made a beautiful day.  
Lawrence still had a bit trouble with his protese and his cane, but he got used to it. And some more movements beside his office work at the hospital could only do more good. Adam's pace was adjusted to Lawrence's limping - without any comment from each one of them.

"Shit. Sorry about that, man." Adam said, looking down at his feet while walking. Lawrence somehow had known exactly that this - same words, same tone, same "man" - would be Adam's reaction to his upcoming divorce.   
Lawrence had to smile a little about that but managed to keep a constant serious expression. "Don't be. It's for the best. For all of us."

It really was. After these events Alison and him still couldn't keep themselves together. Unlike John Kramer presumed, this whole incidence did not shake them awake. Even if Lawrence actually felt some kind of bond with her again shortly after that - the fear of losing her and Diana, the fear of never talking to her again and explain how he felt - the fear that they would end just like this... But it all had been actually about one thing: fear.  
Alison hadn't been more to him than just his wife - only in the familial and fiscal way, and that for... he actually didn't know for how long. The sex wasn't the issue. But it also was not NOT a problem either. But it was something else.   
Lawrence thought that, in the end, it was that Alison had hoped, or rather expected, that Lawrence would just go back into his old life like before, that he would be the man he was before, with the only difference that he would be happy about everything now... Something finally broke when he realized that Alison actually thought that this was just the case. So it had to end, for good.  
In his opinion, any relationship needed a mutual understanding. Without that, a relationship, whether romantic or platonic, could not exist.  
Alison asked Lawrence on that very night if he really thought that ANYBODY would ever understand what he went through. That was when Lawrence realized. Someone did.

Lawrence reduced his pace and gestured that they could sit down on the bench that they came across. Adam did so.  
"Yeah, I know but..." Adam hesitated.  
They sat down and while Lawrence leaned back against the backrest, Adam leaned forward, elbows on his knees and his hands joined.  
After a little moment of silence Lawrence asked carefully "What is it?"  
Adam never had a problem to make his point clear. Something he really adored about Adam. People would often be offended about his direct attitude, but Lawrence was not. Adam had no problem telling him he gave a shit about Lawrence while they were in the bathroom. He had the honesty to bag him to stay with him before Lawrence crawled away just a few hours later. And had the heart to tell him how much he enjoyed his company during their last encounter.  
Adam leaned his head a little, still looking forward, anywhere but Lawrence.  
"It's just..." Adam breathed in. "You know... everything after the bathroom is actually okay again. I mean, most of. Like, of course, we should be happy to be alive at all and all that. But..."  
Adam paused.  
"But actually nothing has really changed, or got better again, like I would have guessed. I never will be spying on people again, that's for sure. But these nightmares... They will never leave me. Never. And you..."  
This time Adam actually turned his head to look at Lawrence.  
"You survived this all shit aswell, even saved my fucking life. But you lost your foot and now your wife."  
Adam turned back again and looked into the distance.  
"It's like... nothing before the bathroom got better again, or okay, or at all... everything just got more... shitty."  
Lawrence let that sink in.   
Sure, they were happy, should be happy, to be still alive. To survive something like this. But at what costs. Besides, their lives before the bathroom really had some dark fragments- which had been the very reason he and Adam were chosen for this. In Adam's eyes they had been tortured for some kind of Jigsaw's noble reasons, but there was nothing actually good that came out of it. This wake up call... somehow hurt more, than everything else.

But Lawrence had to disagree.  
He had a reason why everything ist not "shitty". Why could he take all this physical pain in his leg, this new way of walking. Even the lost of his wife. Why, when he was having these nightmares too und probably would see his little girl even less than he did already. Why, did he not feel robbed?  
Lawrence got something for all of this in return. Someone. Someone that understood. Understood everything, even beyond the bathroom.  
And that one someone was right now staring angrily at some pigeons running around in circles in front of him.  
For a moment Lawrence forgot where and when he was.

"What about the things that are new after the bathroom?" Lawrence suddenly blurted out without thinking.  
He damned himself but tried to remain calm.  
Adam turned around to look at him again with a mixed expression. Frowning and... surprised.  
He looked Lawrence directly into his eyes and Lawrence's heart made a flip.  
Then Adam spoke. "You mean... us?"  
Lawrence cleared his throat and tried to keep a calm look. "Yes."  
Adam stared at him. Lawrence started to panic.  
At first Adam made an unbelieving expression.  
Then he blinked, shook his head and looked forward again. But this time stared at his feet.  
"Yeah, of course. Sorry, pal." He chuckled. "Didn't mean to forget you in all of this. You really became a... good friend." Adam said, almost sad, and finally went still.  
Lawrence's heart pounded in his chest. No. No that's not it. He couldn't let this slip.  
"No." Lawrence said in a low voice and kept staring.  
He was pretty sure that he probably looked very cool, but inside he was going insane right now.  
Adam turnded his head once again. Now he had an expression on his face that Lawrence couldn't quite place. But somehow that look made him confident that he had to do what he was going to do now.  
Lawrence liftet his hand and put it on Adam's cheek. Adam did not move. Then Lawrence leaned towards Adam, slowly, so that the younger man could back away when he wanted to. But he didn't.  
So Lawrence put his lips on Adam's, soft and carefully.  
He felt how Adam returned this kiss and started to pull Lawrence closer by placing one hand on the back of his head.  
The whole world was still.  
Lawrence heart pounded so hard in his chest - but just because of pure joy. And relief.  
After a few moments and more few kisses the men finally parted again.  
By looking Adam into his eyes again, Lawrence could swear to see tears watering-up them up.  
But he didn't say anything. Just smiled. And Adam did so, too.  
"A nice way to prove your point." Adam said und started chuckling.  
"You think so?" Lawrence answered, started laughing himself.  
Lawrence came near again and placed his forehead softly against Adam's.   
Then he kissed Adam's forehead and said "Let's get out of here, it's getting really cold." 

But Lawrence knew that he actually never felt warmer.


End file.
